Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize