Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
