Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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