White coat. Heels.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
