we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
