I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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