I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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