Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
