the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize