just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
