you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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