he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
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