I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
