woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
