you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
