we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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