All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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