She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
