How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
