Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
