You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
