bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
