i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
My vagina just recognized that song.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He shit in the fireplace
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
