The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
