I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
