Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize