Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Randomize
