You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
