I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
