Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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