I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
