Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
