The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
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