i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
