another moral hangover. fuck.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
