they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
