I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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