i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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