if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
