Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
