im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
