things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
