I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
