Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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