Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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