i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
