So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
