Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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