You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
