Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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