I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
