make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
