Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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