Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
