Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
