Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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