I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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