garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
