don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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