My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
