Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
there is glitter all over my balls
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
