In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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