Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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