Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
