i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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