I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
