just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize