Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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