k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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