i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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