Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
just found out that she named her cat after me.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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