Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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