So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I love how my cats smell like pot.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
