a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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