ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
