i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
time to smoke my breakfast
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
