Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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