And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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