My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
