i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
