so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I FOUND THE LEGS
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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