I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
