so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
