Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
