I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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