you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
