I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
