He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
True strength comes from lack of pants
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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