Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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