So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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