I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
