meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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