im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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