Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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