The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I want to be your penis for a week.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
