hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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