I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
