I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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