i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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