If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So much rum. So many feels.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
