hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Randomize
